Telling People 😬 You're Getting Divorced?
Are you anxious about telling your friends and family about your separation? Your people care about you and want to support you, and at the same time they may not know exactly what to say.
When you tell them you’re getting divorced, here are some things to expect:
They will have strong emotions.
Prepare for a myriad of emotional responses from your audience. Whether they express shock, sorrow, or perhaps even relief, allow them the space to process their feelings. After all, this announcement may catch them off guard.
They may not know what to say.
In instances where words fail, silence can serve as a powerful communicator. If your loved ones find themselves at a loss for words or inadvertently stumble upon an awkward remark, extend them understanding. Not everyone possesses a playbook for such delicate conversations.
The inquiry of “What happened?!”
Anticipate a curiosity-driven interrogation regarding the circumstances leading to your decision. You can choose to answer this or not. If you aren’t ready to spill the tea, you can respond simply, “I am not ready to share the details right now, but I wanted to let you know it’s happening.” If you do share more, consider starting the sentence with, “The story I’m telling myself is….” which leaves space for the fact that you and your spouse are likely to have different perspectives.
Navigating apologies “OMG I’m so sorry!”
Brace yourself for an outpouring of sympathetic sentiments, even if yours lean towards relief rather than regret. Embrace the opportunity to express your authentic emotions, navigating the delicate balance between gratitude for their empathy and assertion of your newfound optimism. If you are excited to be starting a new chapter in your life, it’s ok to say that, even while acknowledging your spouse may be feeling differently. You have the right to be happy!
They may inquire, “Have you told the kids yet?”
Expect inquiries regarding the well-being of any children involved. Your inner circle can serve as invaluable allies in reinforcing a message of stability and love. You can emphasize the importance of maintaining a positive environment for the children, fostering open communication, and avoiding disparaging remarks about the other spouse. Your children may benefit from speaking candidly with someone other than you and your spouse.
They will welcome you expressing your needs.
Your network wants to support you! It takes a lot of vulnerability to ask for help, so practice saying this out loud: “The way you can best support me is by ____.” Or if that feels like too much, you can say instead, “I’m really struggling with ____.” Trust us: now is the time to accept help! You are dealing with a ridiculous amount of emotional, financial, and logistical stress, so let your people support you.
Your friends and family care about you.
Divorce is a messy process for everyone involved, especially you! It may be awkward to tell your friends and family, but eventually, their support will get you through.
If you’re looking for more divorce resources on telling your children, understanding the legal process, handling your finances, we got you:
Fresh Start
The Ultimate Divorce Resource Guide
This video course from PurplCouch features interviews with divorce pros including an attorney, financial planner, tax specialist, couples and family therapist, and a child psychologist. Produced and organized by Sarah Lyman, a communications professional who's been through her own divorce (that’s why she founded PurplCouch).
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