Should you change your name? 🖊️ Back?
Did you change your name when you got married? Did your spouse?
I truly respect y’all’s choices about changing your name, whatever they are. For me, I really struggled with the decision to change my name to his when we got married. We were not planning to have children, so it really just boiled down to me mentally thrashing, “It’s my identity!”
But it would make him happy. And I really liked making him happy.
So I changed my last name to his.
And then I changed my drivers license. My bank account and credit card. The electric company and internet provider and Netflix and Amazon. I started using my shiny new name (I’m in love!) on all the new things I did. I even got a new email address. My new name was my new identity - a married woman, a wife!
Then the divorce.
It is hard enough juggling the emotions and finances and legal stress. But the salt in the wound was that NOW I HAD TO CHANGE MY EFFING NAME BACK. I had to un-velcro every g*ddamn account I’d used for the past seven years. I had to shift my identity yet again. And once again, he did not! This felt like injustice, and I felt so bitter.
And I was pissed at myself. I had caved all those years ago. He would have respected my decision either way, so why couldn’t I have stood my ground and stayed true to what I wanted?
It’s been several years since the paperwork was finalized, and even now I’m finding accounts that carry my married name. I still feel a twinge of irritation.
But I’ve also learned a powerful lesson. That experience made me realize I can trust myself a little more. I can stand up a little straighter.
And that perhaps my identity was never in jeopardy. Just my name.
What are you planning to do, Sarah? Or your spouse? Let me know what you’re struggling with. Or maybe you’re 100% confident in your next steps... I want to hear that too!
Warmly,
Sarah
PS: Changing your name, legal paperwork, moving. Are you feeling overwhelmed with all the decisions?
We got you. Hear from a whole team of divorce experts - in law, finance, tax, mental health, and co-parenting - who have shared their expertise in an online video course Fresh Start. Don’t let yourself be surprised by all that’s coming at you - being prepared is powerful.